If they can do it, so can I

I have often struggled with believing that there were super powerful people out there that are just more capable than me when it comes to life.

I have watched many have success at things that I have desired to be and have succumbed to the belief that they must have just been more disciplined or capable than me for them to have succeeded. Other times I have even told myself that others must have had success because they must have been dishonest or somewhat just not good in order to get where they got.

The underlining thought was always, “They can be successful but you cannot.”

Recently I finally realized how false and limiting those thoughts were.

A lot of my realization come when I teach my children. I am kinder to them than to my own self. I am often merciful and compassionate. I know what to say to comfort them more than I can be a friend to myself.

I was watching our little 2 year old Dorian after he had just finished climbing up a stool to fill up a cup with water to give to our dog Paco. We often struggle with our older ones and have to remind them every day to give water to our dog. We often ask them to help us. Dorian hears us too and took the time to really listen and has been taking it upon himself to take that responsibility without even reminding him. He will then come and tell me and loves to be praised.

I realized that kids love to be praised. If they find that by doing something they will get your good words, they will often try and try again to receive that praise. I knew that I needed to be careful not to compare my older kids to another sibling. So I took this moment to let them know that I wasn’t going to try and tell them that Dorian was better, but that sometimes is good to watch others doing things that we are not capable of, and instead of feeling bad for where we are not or what we are not, to take the time to realize instead that it means that we can be capable of doing that too.

I didn’t want my daughter to feel like her 2 year old brother is so much better than her, I wanted her to watch him and think, “Hey he is so young and can do this, so can I.”

At  times I realize that for my kids that don’t do as much, things may come from not believing in their abilities and strength. Don’t take me wrong, laziness sometimes plays it’s part, but other times they simply don’t perform because they don’t think they are capable of doing certain things.

We also often look at others who have had success and feel jealousy. Instead we should look at them and realize that maybe we can be that way too.

We all are humans and we all walk this journey. Limitations will come. I understand not everyone can do everything. But I think we all have something that we know we can be good at and often shy away from it because of fear or because we think that the success just wouldn’t belong to us.

I was once a regular girl that lived in the countryside in Italy. I dreamt my whole life, but often pushed those dreams aside because I thought that they didn’t belong to me. But I still dreamt. Life has helped me accomplish a lot of my dreams. Especially the ones that I TRULY wanted and pursued.

Just like I would never want my kids to think that only others can be good at something and that they are not capable, so do I want everyone to believe in themselves and believe that they can change their lives and dream away. The path can be rocky at times, but it doesn’t matter where we are not, if in our minds we are living in that sometimes distant dreamy Candyland. Whatever your candy land might be, and hopefully it’s something good for humanity, look above and don’t stay stuck in the present. Enjoy what life brings you now, but look up to where you wish to be.

Love, M. Serena Essuman

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