No more apologizing for who you are

I was recently talking to a friend of mine who recently moved here. She was sharing with me a lot of the cultural shocks that she was experiencing. One of them for her was how much often people apologize even when it’s not their fault for what they did.

I’ll be honest. I have often experienced the opposite. I have bumped into people or been tripped on and the other person will not even say sorry or respond when I say it first. Aaaahhhh! One of my pet peeves.

But what my friend said reminded me of something that it is true. I have seen way too many women apologizing even when they did their best.

I heard someone apologize the other day for making costumes BY HAND for a recital and choosing tutus other shorts.

I went to a class school party and while prepping with other moms I heard many of them apologizing for not bringing the perfect items or not knowing how to come up with the perfect set up.

I too also felt a bit overwhelmed at first. I was afraid I didn’t bring Enough snacks for the class, and that I didn’t have enough materials for the activity. I was a few minutes late and I didn’t have enough hooks. I felt the need to let everybody know why I didn’t have the perfect Pinterest activity ready.

I knew though that I could have just surrendered to those feelings of self pity and guilt, or do a good self talk with my own self and rise above.

I had to sit and think “Hey, Yesterday you did the math and calculated the material to the best of your intention, it’s ok if you miss some material. Hey, you read the instructions and prepared your activity it’s ok if someone else brought a state of the art activity for the classroom. Hey yesterday you injured your foot and couldn’t walk so you didn’t make it to the store and brought paper materials out of what you have instead of plastic, what you have is just fine. Hey you are here for your kids and that is all that matter.” “Hey these kids will throw away everything you are doing in within an hour so who cares” JUST KIDDING. PROBABLY TRUE, BUT I M TOTALLY JOKING.”

It wasn’t easy. I heard a few comments that could have made me feel that my fears were absolutely true. But I told myself that sometimes people don’t mean things that way. Most people are truly trying to just make conversation, help out, and be kind. Some may be annoyed for not having our act together during some situations, but as long as I know that I have done the best I can, those people can… well just shove it. 😉

I have honestly realized lately that as moms we tend to apologize to others too much. I used to see it as a weakness until someone told me that it’s because I am truly kind and I don’t want to purposefully hurt people. I realized that it wasn’t out of weakness, but out of strength that I was constantly finding myself trying to please others and be extra kind. I also have learned that I too have fallen for the trap of being overly apologetic to people and that it was hurting my own self esteem and my own view of my own self.

We can often try and apologize to others and be the best versions of ourselves and truth is, someone will still absolutely abhor us. That was the biggest eye opener for me since I started life away from my parents.

So if you often do your best, go places and feel like you didn’t do enough, feel inferior, feel less than useful, don’t apologize for what you are doing. Don’t apologize for leaving the party without cleaning up, for bringing what at times may seem to you the ugliest present or toy at your kids activities and parties. Or apologize for doing what you did the way you did it. I speak obviously to people that do things with a good heart and with good intentions.

The biggest tool Satan is using nowadays with many of us is to make us feel that we are always the worst ones in the crowd. That what we are doing is never good enough and that we are not meant to be anything more than mediocrity. To anyone out there that feels that way, that is lie. And if you feel that way I hope that you can pray to God and ask Him to help you see your worth. Find trusted friends as well to help you see how valuable you are. If you can’t find any, than you need to keep going until you find someone who loves you and appreciate you. But I know that there is someone out there. I want you to know that you too deserve love and I would never want you to feel inferior or that you are less than enough.

I may too at times fail to make others feel good, but I know God won’t and I hope you can seek Him and find His help. A good therapist at times may even be the first step to help you see the light again and to see your true value and worth. But don’t ever give up on life if you haven’t felt good about yourself for a while or if you can’t see your worth. It’s there. But you need to often start bringing it out on your own, and then others may see it and follow.

No guarantees on others seeing it. Unfortunately others at times are not ready to see the light within you because they are blinded by their own problems. So don’t rely on that too much. Seek the light that is within you.

Love, M. Serena Essuman

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