The D word, and how to have a great lasting relationship with your significant other.

I will not claim that I have the perfect marriage, or the perfect recipe to happiness. I will not stat by saying that I know exactly how to have the best life with a partner. But as I go along in life and keep going, I sometimes get bits and pieces of information that help me to grow and to keep going in my own life.

I don’t think anyone is immune to divorce. It’s something that just like any other temptation can happen to anyone. I don’t blame anyone who has had one because I truly don’t know people’s circumstances. I also understand that sometimes it is necessary. But I also know that many people may simply be considering separating from their significant other because they feel that they are not living a dream fairy tale life with their spouse and they are not sure they are meant to be together with that person.

Sometimes one may not truly want to head for divorce, but the seed is in their head and they contemplate it from time to time.

So this message I am guessing may apply more so to those kind of situations. And how do you prevent it from happening?

Let me give you 5 pointers.

  1. Recognize that the seed has been planted

Acknowledge that the thought is there and that bad thoughts are like a slow and steady poison. Remember the song from Pussycat Dolls that says: ” Be careful what you wish for cause you might just get it.” Sometimes we may not realize it that that little seed of thinking about divorce is exactly what may slowly take us there. So don’t keep nourish it.

2. Stop putting everything on hold with your significant other

Be careful when you start putting our life on hold and are not making plans with your spouse in the future because that is exactly what can take anyone to separate. There is a big difference between constantly building an empire together and making plans with our loved ones together for the future, and between living a life instead where we put plans constantly on hold in case our life together with our spouse might just not work out.

This is dangerous thinking because time is a thief, and if we do this long enough eventually we will look back and see what a miserable life we lived for so long that might as well just be done with putting things on hold and just move on because there was nothing built together. Or if we are constantly making plans just in case so that we can live, eventually that is exactly what will happen. We will leave.

4. stop looking back at the decision that you made, start looking forward

Many times especially on the first years of marriage, it’s tempting for many people to constantly look back and wonder if they married the right person. Especially when an argument arises or a difficulty. The brain can be tempted to go back to that one moment where we said “Yes”, and start thinking that we must have made a mistake.

This type of thinking is often instilled in us by movies and pop culture that desperately want to try and make us believe that dreams are made of happiness and happy moments only. Nothing worth having comes easily. Everything we will do will always have something that we don’t want to do as a part of it. Any type of career, sport, dream worth pursuing comes with hard work. Same goes for a marriage.

So it’s important to not question our decisions but to just keep rolling with things and try and make the best with what we have and trust our past selves.

5. Be willing to work hard

Because every dream comes with hard work, so does marriage. if we are lazy and over the years we keep choosing the TV screen, or our own personal passions over doing something outside of our ownselves we will not only drive away our loved ones, but also many many over people from our lives.

6. Commit and start planning a life together

Envision a bright and cheery future with your spouse where you both will grow old together. Commit. Share everything and go forward planning an empire as a couple. Make a name for your family not just for your own self. Plan an empire as if you were a royal family. Think of your children and future generations. This is truly your dinasty. Plan it and create it. Invest, grow what you have and make plans where you envision you and your spouse old and together loving each other and hand in hand. Meditate and envision this even if you don’t have it right now. Even during moments where it seems impossible, plant this kind of seed in your own head. Share it with your spouse. Start making commitments and long term plans that involve the both of you always together.

Stop looking back at your decision, now look forward at your future and envision a bright future together.

Remember that the seed of divorce can grow or shrink. Hardships will come for everyone. Find a trustworthy friend or a therapist if in need and you will see that you are not alone in this.

So no more divorce seeds and happy planning your life with your loved one!

Love, M. Serena Essuman

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